Coporamb

I've been hearing about Turducken a lot this holiday season. Seems lots of people aren't happy with just the traditional turkey, not even the deep fried turkey. The in-thing now is Turducken: a turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken--all boneless, of course.

That sounded pretty tasty to me, until I thought of what I'd like even BETTER this Christmas:

Coporamb.

A cow stuffed with a pig stuffed with a lamb. All boneless, of course.

Think of it as a pig roast, on steroids.

Who's up for the ultimate meat feast?!

Man Dies from Popcorn Lung??!!

An item in today's news warns that not only workers in buttery-flavored microwave popcorn plants can be injured from exposure to the fumes of fake butter. Consumers can too:

"...the ailing patient... consumed "several bags of extra butter flavored microwave popcorn" every day for several years.

He described progressively worsening respiratory symptoms of coughing and shortness of breath. Tests found his ability to exhale was deteriorating ...although his condition seemed to stabilize after he quit using microwave popcorn."

Huh. The piggie consumed several bags of extra butter flavored microwave popcorn EVERY DAY FOR SEVERAL YEARS--and his doctor is worried about his shortness of breath? Doesn't she know that when you weigh 87 Trillion Pounds you might have a slight problem breathing?

Maybe when he quit "using" microwave popcorn he started using carrots and apples instead.

Yeah, right.

Read the full article here.

Can You Believe Someone Actually Got Upset?

Two cops walk into a Burger King and order burgers. After eating about half the burger, one cop says to the other cop, "Hey Joe, I think there's wacky tobaccy on this here Whopper." And the other cop replies, "Shhhhh. Not so loud or everyone will want one!"

A bunch of dumb kids played a joke on some humorless cops. And now their serving time for aggravated battery on an officer. Okay, I can see them having to serve time, but now the big whiny cops have filed a civil suit: alleging personal injury, negligence, battery and violation of fair practices.

Good lordy. Some people would pay good money for a pot burger!

Here's the full story.

Complete this Survey on Food? Okay!

Every now and then I receive an invitation from Harris Polls Online to complete a survey. I rarely do so unless I'm on hold with a computer company or other group that likes to ignore its customers.

But today they asked me to complete a short survey on...yup, FOOD.

1) In the next 12 months, how likely am I going to buy a...fiber supplement? That's not food. Neither is prune juice. Or any kind of juice. That's a beverage.
2) How often do you read nutrition lables? Well...yesterday I was reading them on the cat food trying to decide what was less disgusting and better for them. Did you know there's a "treat" available called Baa Bits? And it's made with 100% lamb lung?
3) Do you agree or disagree that maintaining a healthy diet is important? Well, shoot, of course I agree. Now ask me if I do.
4) Do you agree or disagree that your lifestyle makes it difficult to eat right? It's not my lifestyle that makes it hard, it's my willpower. I'm weak. WEAK!
5) Another juice question. Tomato, grapefruit, cranberry, other.
6) These are NOT food questions! It was a trap to make me answer some sort of healthy-living survey!! On how many separate occasions would you say you watched news programs on TV during the past 30 days?
On how many different occasions did you do vigorous physical exercise during the past 30 days?

And the rest were demographic. Lordy. If I were to make a food survey it would have questions like:

1) Sweet or savory?
2) What is the best ice cream flavor in the world?
3) Do nuts belong in baked goods?
4) Do you own any vanilla beans?
5) How much would you pay for safron?
6) Do you know how to prepare jicima?
7) In the past three months, how many kinds of fruit have you eaten?
8) How many kinds of peppers does your produce stand sell?
9) How far would you drive for fresh seafood?
10) What is the most you ever paid for a dinner for two, wine and tip included?

Oh Good Lordy, I was Ignorant

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Yet another email. I didn't know I had to be invited by someone else to participate in the "Things to eat before you die" fad. Good lordy, I crashed a chain letter!

Cheap eats and kitchen fiascos

Sarcasm doesn't come across well in blog titles. Someone angrily emailed me this week, "Fine Cooking? Are you kidding me? There's nothing gourmet about your recipes!" EXACTLY.

I'm just poking around in the kitchen, trying to cook good, decent meals that aren't too expensive. I've never taken a cooking class in my life. I shop the sales at Safeway (watch for my pot roast recipe tonight--chuck roast is on sale). My family has a love of anything that comes wrapped in colorful waxed paper and served hot in a bag.

All I'm trying to do is share my struggles with inexpensive, healthy cooking. So what should my blog be called? Cheap eats or Kitchen Fiascos?

Beans, Beans, They’re Good for Your Heart

I love a good black bean burrito. The cheaper the better. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Please don’t add rice. A little cheese, a good dose of piping hot black beans…at most some onions, maybe some cilantro. Yum.

A place down the road from the FleaJuice House (aka home) serves a lovely bean burrito for only $3.95. They serve it mojado, which means it’s wet. Making a burrito mojado usually entails enchilada sauce and a smattering of cheese, but this place is smart and uses delicious tomatillo sauce, also known as salsa verde, which is green and garlicky and just the slightest bit sweet. Then they smother it with cheese (hey, I didn’t get to be fat from skipping the cheese). A kick-ass burrito, as big as my head, for under five bucks. Man. I’m making myself hungry.

I had a black bean burrito for lunch today, as pictured, and the man I was with stopped mid-sentence and blurted out, “What are you eating?” I thought it was funny because we are in the SF/Bay Area, and I’d have thought he’d have seen a black bean burrito before. Maybe the fact that he’s 66 years old makes a difference.