Sunday, December 05, 2010

Reverb10 Dec 5: Let Go

In 2010 I let go. It wasn't easy. I'd been holding on to that fat, lazy slug inside of me for so long I'd gotten to believe that I'd never be separated from it. It was me, and yet, it wasn't.

Before now if you invited me to go dancing, I'd cringe. If people played basketball, I'd watch from the sidelines. I cheered my children on as they ran, but I didn't run with them.

In March 2009 walking up one flight of stairs was hard for me. I got to the top at the same time as others, but was mortified that I was huffing and puffing, and couldn't speak easily. Someone invited my husband on a hike, and started to invite me, turned red, stammered, and I jumped in with a joke about how I'd rather have a sharp stick in my eye. It would have been a death march.

Last year, I started exercising. I was part of my weight loss journey. I wasn't doing it for fun. I was doing it merely to lose the weight.

But now I'm close to hitting 75 pounds lost--with another forty or so to go. My body is lighter than it has been in 17 years, and I'm at the strongest I've ever been. I dream about running. When my heart feels like it's going to burst through my chest I know it's a great feeling to revel in, not torture. What exercises can I do when I'm standing in line, waiting for the kettle to boil, and stopped on the freeway?

That slug, that voice that always said, no, don't--exercise is horrible, and you're not an athlete--that voice is gone. I'm not an athlete yet, but I'm also not the slug I used to be.


Jyllian said...

visiting from reverb10.
Great post!
I am hoping to do the same this year.
It's good to read about success.
I keep finding folks from the bay area, I lived in SF for 14 years a nd miss it. Nice to meet you, hope to read you again :-)

EricaOGrady said...

Bravo. Changing habits is hard - and it looks like you're off to a marvelous start!

I hope 2011 brings you even closer to your goal.